(no subject)

[shiningfractal]

how can one get rid

of influences one has been subjected to

during the entire course of one's life

they say you can't heal

in the same environment

that made you ill

but what if the whole world is making you ill

where will you retreat to heal

within, inside

adamantly rejecting

everything to do with everyone

in such a way that your life

merely resembles that of other men

but internally you build your very own multiverse

overexerting yourself to taste

the nectar-fragrance of a tomorrow that isn't promised

an entertaining spectacle for an audience of two

it is only you and me watching this show

the prescribed disintoxicant treatment

have patience

you've been poisoned for a lifetime

there's no guarantee you'll even survive

I'm doing you a supreme favour

the more logical explanation is that

tossing me like I am into a wider experience

would not ellicit the admiration due to a superior being

but instead the average workingman would consider me

maniacal and perhaps even slightly dangerous

even children demand such high levels of compliance

in order to display their affections

that it is unsurprising adults are so

neglectful of their own spiritual needs

let alone the more practical needs of others

I am forced to agree with your words

but it is easier to feed someone's body than someone's soul

you think so

I could argue that every good gift comes from the Lord

including the food you eat

that is why we give thanks for it everyday

it is in the Lord's power to give

it is in the Lord's power to take

to make an apple pie from scratch

first you need to invent the universe

she said, half shutting her eyes

for theories and schools

studying microbes and particles

always seemed so exoteric to me

people have always made me more curious

because they presented a very real danger

something that must be navigated

in order to merely survive

I suspect if I had had a more stable existence

I might have dedicated myself more to science

while I was at the peak of my creativity

still, I'm provided with enough ingenuity

that I should convert others

to the cause of the advancement of mankind

I pretend I'm obliged

to write a letter a day

to my sweethearts

but it is mostly utilitarian

if I'm not here writing for you

we won't be together to soothe each other

this feeble connection is all that we have

if I move too much I might be

criminally prosecuted and execrated

so I just stay here where I at least have the freedom

to use language as I please

the prerrogative of a poet

at least until our brief spell is broken

I can invoke deities and play the magistrate

I can have fun playing with my favorite celebrities

I can feel no anguish and have a private Wednesday

even on Sundays and vice versa

I admire your patience

you told yourself

as long as it takes

and you've been putting in effort everyday ever since

the grandeur of sentiment expressed

through your nonstop narrative

is a revelation quite authentic

what was hidden was shown

what was shown was in turn hidden

everything was born again

what the world regards as a punishable scandal

for you is a matter of pity towards exploited girls

and those aren't even entirely mechanical ideas

the beauty you've read about in books

exists in the world today

the ultimate pleasure of seeing and being seen

and not merely being gazed at

a purer feeling a non-idealization

that finally doesn't come out wrong

because it was meant to be

the whole town might be turning icy

under the drenching weather but

within we know we can keep a fire going

with our rocket fuel souls

for war is like that

even feelings are weaponized

particularly strong feelings

despite all my precautions

I fell in love again

and you allowed yourself

to be the receptacle of my love

so I pour it upon you in profusion

a certain merriment comes with the

desperate effort of racing through

book pages looking for the proper words

with which make your acquaintance

presenting an image of life

seldom imagined let alone seen

if once I could see no favourable solution

today I recognize each time

I awake with a smile

knowing I'm alive

and that you're still alive as well

life regains meaning

it is like being reborn

a daily gift that comes with

the territory of immortality

like a rhythmical roar

produced by a pack of lions

our dreams inspire each other

and propel us to ever greater attainments

there preexists an admiration

for this truly aesthetic romance

this weird memory of mine

calling upon only the detached moments

accustomed to yield to anyone

even before we made acquaintance

just to avoid the porcupine harm

the rule was clear

refusing to bow the knee

was reason enough for first blood

it was bound to end in court or worse

certain characters are so profound

they don't fit in bookcases

must remain alive in the imagination of the people

great composers knew that

as well as the great playwrights

a song so powerful its melody

gets embedded in your subconscious

a personality so well fleshed out

you feel like you've knew that person for lifetimes

what a source of incomparable satisfaction

you're still strong to bring about such joys

and you've earned a measure of freedom

that allows you to steer the flow

the correct attitude when shared by the whole guild

will doubtlessly send sparks flying in every which direction

realize now the unimportance of being important

I had still enough strength left in me

to address these men

all these young patriots

whose contributions feel so invisible

they preferred writers who seemed more profound

for they thought themselves

some kind of council for our weird family

their decisions must matter

in order for them to be involved

if they feel nothing they do have consequences

they can't be committed

so it is a matter of creating a responsive world

a world in which you can clearly see

the consequences of your actions as you move forward

and this can at the present time

only be accomplished in the digital world

the mystics always told us

there is a delay between will and manifestation

but the digital world minimizes this delay

your technological apparatus is a tool of manifestation

and this is immensely amusing

the silver bullet of fun filled loading screens

teaching patience to those with the attention span of a fly

and bringing an unease fulfillment

to those whose hopes were long gone

despite their overexerted patience

but it is all but a circus parade

a marching band that arrives on command

at the press of a button

does it bring about any truth

well at least it made it possible

for us to relax

so it is rather agreeable

a blend of admiration and misgivings

disclosed through a screen

the dream becomes a reflection of our own being

and we discover first of all

that our memories are unreliable

call it gaslighting call it mandela effect

the fact is history is being rewritten in real time

records discreetly purged

grab old books while you can

soon people will believe

that with the advent of AI

there is no longer any reason to read at all

why bother honing your mind the old fashion way

when the machine can think for you

and you can dedicate yourself wholly

to the pursuit of pleasure or power

whichever one seems more attractive to you

fortunately for me none of this is reason enough

for me to cease loving you

we put our talents in the line

for they are not our own

they are meant to be multiplied

and the only way to multiply them

is by sharing them with the world

for an idea is something magical

it doesn't get smaller when shared

each brain produces its own copy of the idea

by its own means in such a way

that when you share an idea with someone

it is believed it propagates

assumes new forms and quickly evolves

so one idea generates three then twelve

then a hundred and so on and so forth

social stations are no reason

not to share your ideas with your friends

what does it matter that some of us

are kings and others destitutes

in an ideal society these distinctions

would matter very little

and even Alexander the Great were not Alexander

would have wished to be Diogenes

the grass is always greener indeed

I find a young lad or lady

and it is a busy little machine of covetousnes

I want this I want that and I want it right now

because I saw it with my eyes and now I desire it

the enthusiasm of discovery is replaced

with the urge of possession

truths in life are very arduous

takes a lot of sacrifice

to learn anything worth remembering

yet we remember a lot of other nonsense

because they tingled our nerves in just the right way

the conclusion that is forced upon my mind is

you ought to shake hands even with unwelcome comrades

for you never know when you might need them

my jealousy is rather arbitrary

it is just the grass being greener

what manners of suffering and distraught

must not the men and women who are breeders

endure in order to keep their families together

is it merely the biological imperative

that induces me to think of such fate as desirable

my genes aren't all that good

yet I see people with shittier genes breeding just fine

this is appalling to me

not the fact that they are producing offspring

but the fact that I am not

left to languish solitarily

I dare say this is my last agony

my debt to the demiurge and the polis

of making more of me to replace me when I am gone

what does it matter whether they will be

beggars or they will sit

in the throne of the Habsburgs

the world needs more bodies

for the souls are tired of being ghosts

they wanna play too

they wanna experience the pleasures and pains of the flesh

they wanna be tried and tested

they wanna a chance to get out of the chamber of Guf

and finally gain access to paradise

I wonder if their storage place

is a place of weeping

I wonder if they long for bodies

with the same exasperation

that we long for food

or if like some of us

their attitude towards receiving bodies

is the same as the ascetic

who begrudgingly eats

just to not starve to death

the trait in common is the necessity

of a venue of expression

how can we wage war or love without bodies

can we exist in a purely virtual world

where we will love and be loved

and wage our wars and be victorious or defeated

I say with the infinite melancholy

of one who had to trick its own brain

its whole life in order to survive

these virtual surrogates aren't good enough

I'm so touch starved sometimes a breeze gives me shivers

an uncommon scent is enough to drive me crazy

deprivation made me capable of finding

insane pleasure in the smallest of things

but also gave me a sense of dread

like a child who is building a sand castle

she knows she will destroy it eventually

but while she is building it

she is jealous of that dumb pile of sand

and gets upset if someone tramples it

to me it always feels like such a lamentable error

to be agreeable with the wrong people

out of a spirit of helpfulness

I'm no longer a teen

my diminishing vitality is becoming evident to all

yet I might have several decades in me

I can write to entertain myself and others

for now it must suffice

***