(no subject)

you're a brave woman
she stood silent, pensive for a moment
in my youth I did love
all sweet and gentle things
with strong conviction
my beliefs had not yet crystallized
however a beginning had been made
many conversations on the subject
shaped my perspective
no one is immune to propaganda after all
it wasn't a smooth slope
I had to climb my way
I saw others doing it but
they were too fast for me
I hate to mention it
I would often sleep in the day time
and stay awake at night
the bell ringing at intervals
my inability to furnish money
a life sanctified
like a gentle soft stream of celestial angels
lacking only a resolution
to accomplish a purpose
that makes any sense to anyone
she had a very kind heart
so of course her secret society peers
had to break her apart and give her
several split personalities
how else could she do
the required work
the princess was made to grow
and was very much liked
a persona grata in every way

***

(no subject)

clustering flowers of desire
writing a wife into reality
something long addressed
to no one in particular
after all, what the devil do we care?
desire less the kiss of a stranger
that in years to come
is bound to make you suffer less
it is good practice
to confess your unconfessed desires
just goes to show that
you are a great friend
though we may not
melt in smiles
all the time
it is good to know
one is being directed
by intelligent will power
in this very room
consciousness was reborn
it's a strange thing
inert crimson
above the morning sky
it amuses me
I was afraid
it might be some
fresh insult
but your freshness
has made another
important part
of my supervising duties
quite unnecessary
you unwittingly magnetised us all

***

(no subject)

I only wish to understand
what makes you feel
superior to other people
deserving of anything
other than indifference
self-respecting pride?
some strange instinct
leftover of your
diluted noble heritage?
there was a grain of truth
in these assertions
just made me think
how far we had already
proceeded on the way
towards indifference
trying to rein in
his German sympathies
any more than
his other inclinations
unjustifiable fits
of ill-temper arose
from the slightest frustration
but I congratulate you
for bringing to our attention
the comic aspects of adultery
any other clown would have left us
more annoyed than anything
but coming from a saint
that chiding sounds
perfectly alright
it was all the more awkward for me
the favourable impressions I received
made me even more self-conscious

***

(no subject)

I have no talent whatsoever for poetry
just a try-hard unwilling to give up
amidst these hasty tones
and embittered groans
I carry on this long established habit
of writing every single day
but if I was at least
writing anything good at all
anything of substance
anything even remotely publishable
I have been forestalled
by many someones far swifter
communication has always been
puzzling to me to say the least
locked here with my spindling wheel
there were so many signs
a monologue in appearance only
I loved and detested
each and every one of them in turns
these abruptly showering sentiments
I received from mama
have left me utterly
disinterested in all manners
of pleasures involving
drama and the actual
execution of plans
I was mindful to my duties
up until the point
I recognized them as duties
if I no longer believed
something to be my duty
I would drop it hard
with no regrets

***

(no subject)

I'm feeling like shit, but I will try to read some stuff before I collapse and sleep all day

***

(no subject)

the thing is, I don't get sad for any reason in particular

it is just my brain playing tricks on me

***

(no subject)

my youth was largely employed in conceits
I might have imagined it all
it is not even hard to sass in
something scandalous
like birds in a cool gale
teaching us about
how to start a career as a prophet
pulling a Cassandra
for fifty five years straight
seeking in your daughter's eyes
the promise of mercy
war ich in Zweifel, ob ich Ihnen sagen solle
the efforts of hundreds of major donors
and countless volunteers
for the success of his plan
under pressure of conscience
even Daisy helped us out
I'd made a mistake
didn't research enough
a wild gamble
roughly seventy percent chance of success
according to our newest models
but failed nevertheless
maintain your preeminent prosperity
and leadership in commercial matters
I will continue my research
and once we are ready
we meet again
each of them having
their appropriate duties
they all knew
he wanted no publicity
and did everything accordingly

***

(no subject)

the attacked was too busy to waste breath
think and speak warmly of a man
who is clearly doing his patriotic duty
what profits anyone
to busy oneself desultorily
trying to piece together
the nature of His handiwork
she picks out her favorites
by some rule of caprice
which none but herself understands
ontruimde en voor gelagkamers voor de bedevaartgangers inrichtte
the Empire is nothing to them
they consider us provincials
mock us for our high aspirations
do not believe we have what it takes
to take our operation worldwide
let alone off planet
Le bon Dieu s'est servi du pauvre pour m'eclairer
me, who was a patrician of Venice
and most high councillor of the Governor
for wanting a jewess for a wife
had to be afflicted by their weird customs
the first one I picked
they said no
because you are suppose to convert
because you want God
and not because of a woman
and I was like
alright
seven years later
they find me another bride
my only complaint is I still didn't get to see her in person
otherwise she's perfect

***

(no subject)

I cannot express my regret
then don't
just praise God with me
in the grand scheme of things
this is what matters
to love god and keep his commandments
everything else is trying to grasp smoke
so that is all
he said immensely relieved
that the boy man refused to surrender
against the adversary which
has since proved immeasurably superior
even Marianne laughed
there is great cause to glorify our God
indeed
everybody has
Cônego
burn this idol
please don't
it was as repugnant to his pride now
as it had been two years before
but it is not the idol that has to go
it is the pride
the idol is merely the tool
to get rid of the pride
once the pride is gone
either the idol will itself
bend the knee
or it will be gone as well
of course
how could I have been so blind
God teaches the ones he chooses
He has made everything for its purpose

***

(no subject)

sometimes two persons
are highly compatible
but their vices
obstruct the path
God has prepared for them
He allows us to suffer
the consequences of our sins
even though in Jesus we are forgiven
the forgiveness serves the purpose
of not suffering for no reason
now lust leaves me utterly dejected
I can't stand it, it is disgusting
but who am I to judge?
when I am so incredibly lazy
laziness is perhaps an even worse sin
for a priest can be lustful
and simply mortify his flesh
but no lazy priest would be accepted
within the ranks of the faithful
laziness is not tolerated
when you put your hand to the plow
you gotta go on working
many people depend on you
resting when you're not supposed to
causes a lot of problems
for a lot of people
imagine a priest
who does not goes to mass because today
"he doesn't feel like it"
that is unnacceptable
so I can't even be a priest
I just need to learn to be less hypocritical
to judge others less and less

***

(no subject)

I would be perfect if I weren't so lazy
so of course God made me incredibly lazy
He does not tolerate perfection
and now he will be finely fooled
how so
the roman empire fell
you can't singlehandedly start an empire
sure can
but that was never my goal
what is your goal then
find a good wife
have a few children
that's all
the Empire is just
the story the Children wanna hear
none of this matters
it is just running after wind
there are many obstacles to surmount
more than I would be able to in a lifetime
even if we can agree
that building an empire
is a worthwhile goal
we could only do it
as a multigerational plan
and no man can spawn babies on his own
therefore it is impossible to do it alone
maybe in a few years
I will grow old enough
psychologically
to support you
the way you need
my wife
for now I'm still stuck in sixth grade somehow

***